My Audition

Hello, My name is Jeff Fazakerley and first I'll be performing Fernando from The Brothers and Paul from Den of Thieves....

(beat)

Fernando: Yes, Francisco, he hath left his curse upon me. His CURSE! Dost comprehend what that word carries shot from a father's angry breath? Unless I tear poor Felisarda from my heart he hath pronounced me ere to ALL his curses!

Does this fright thee, Francisco? Thou hast cause to dance in soul for this, tis only I must loose and mourn. Thou shalt have all.

I am degraded from my birth while he affects thy forward youth and only calls thee son. Son of his active spirit and applauds that progress with Jacinta, in whose smiles thou mayest see all thy wishes waiting for thee. Whilst poor Fernando, for her sake, must stand an excommunicate from every blessing, a THING that dare not give myself a name, but flung into the world's necessities until in time, with wonder of my wants, I turn a ragged statue on whose forehead each clown may carve his motto.

(Beat)

Paul: You're a compulsive over eater too, aren't you!? Look, I know what you're going through...Maggie. Maggie, don't open those Yodels, Maggie! MAGGIE! HALT! NOW PUT...THE YODELS...DOWN!

I'm not letting you eat them for two reasons. Number one, they're stolen and you and me are gonna gather all this stuff up and return it...ALL OF IT! Because that is how the program works. Reach out, and return, the first principle of the program. You call me tonight because you are brave, Maggie, you called me because you wanna turn it around! Six months from now you'll be leading workshops, visiting prisons, talking to youngsters and schools. Now I could let you eat those Yodels, but I'm not going to let you do that to yourself because you're a compulsive over eater TOO!

Look, I'd be glad to take you to an O.A. Meeting. Over eaters Anonymous. I'm an O.A. member. I used to weigh four hundred pounds! Look, here's a picture of me on a horse. Now here's a picture of the same horse, ten minutes later. I look at this picture to remind myself of the pain, and suffering, and in this case DEATH that my compulsive overeating caused myself, and others. I hated myself, hated myself so much I couldn't even function. Have you ever felt that way?


Finally, I'll sing for you "What do I need with love?" from Thoroughly Modern Millie.

(Start accompaniment)

Jimmy: Skip the vows and all that rott. Tell the minister that I do not! Bright and breezey is the birds and beesey is free and easy is the life I got.

Without her.

All though I hardly know you...what do I need with love? I got it good, got it good. But now I got it bad!


Thank You.

(I know what you're thinking..."its March, why is Jeff typing out his audition? shouldn't he be talking about how his auditions for U/RTA and Regent went?" Well first of all, if that's what you're thinking, you follow my blog to closely and to that I say, "Thanks! Stalker." And second, you're right. It's March 2nd and I haven't auditioned for Regent yet because it was post-poned till tomorrow, March 3rd. There will be much to say after March 3rd!

Okay I need to file my FAFSA now.)