Dear Josh...

I'm tired of feeling ignorant. I'm tired of playing the uninformed card, relying on wit and comical timing to blend in comfortably to conversations. I do that all the time and then wonder why people don't consider me intelligent and try to explain to me that "two halves equal a whole". They only speak to me and about me in such a way because that is how I portrait myself. As you just said in your post, people are only offended by things that they can't really defend. Well, it's true. I can't get upset when people mock my driving when in essence, I am a bad driver (though I usually don't claim otherwise on that one).

I've recently begun spending a good amount of time with my new friend Justin. We work out three times a week at 6 am by my house is Orange. Recently we were cooking dinner for Emily and her sister Jenna (who Justin is falling for rapidly). I knew he cared quite a bit more about this dinner than I did and I told him the evening before that I'd merely be his assistant because I don't consider myself a good cook. This was my first mistake as I am fully capable of cooking an entire meal. I've done it on a number of occasions. Anyway, Justin was giving me directions and orders and such and soon hands me a 1/2 cup measuring cup and says "You need to put 1 cup of water into that sauce, that's 2 of these." Really? It was more funny than anything and he was flustered because of trying to impress the opposite sex, but talk about condescending.

This weekend I went on a men's retreat through my church. I've been going to this current church now for several months but it's hard to get to know people just by showing up on Sundays. Anyway, this is totally not my scene but I went anyway because I wanted to know more people and really I felt like God was telling me to go. I'm conversing with numerous men throughout the weekend and most of them are around the same education level as I am. I was silent most of the time because I sincerely felt I had nothing to contribute to any conversation. Even the conversations that were not about sports were WAY over my head. People probably thought I was this socially awkward scary guy that just sits there and drinks his port and smokes lightly on his cigar.

I feel as though I've done something wrong along the way through my education. Why didn't I actually finish reading that book, as opposed to just skim it and get by? Why didn't I ask more questions because I didn't want someone to think I was dumb? Why haven't I been paying attention? Why can't I remember things or get things to stick in my head? Why, even if I do feel like I know something, am I incapable of putting it into interesting and informed sounding verbiage? And most importantly of all, if I haven't been paying attention, what have I been filling my head with instead? Scary thought.

I want to make wise, informed decisions about things and I do not contribute to conversations unless I have a grasp on things that are being talked about. As a friend of mine put it, I need to "actively" read more, not just breeze through things. My journey to a more well informed lifestyle has begun. I got an RSS feed to an arts journal that so far has had some pretty interesting articles and whilst doing research for my Masters, I'm actually trying to read through content and not just skim to get a weak grasp and just get by. What's the point otherwise, right?

One thing I feel I want to understand and become a reasonable expert in is Homosexuality and the Church. I've begun research on it during my current class and I may use this blog to reiterate some information I've learned and try and reflect on my own life in regards to this issue. It is something very prominent in my family at the moment, but more on that later and fair warning.

Josh, I admire your intellect. I hope you don't find it creepy or anything that I wrote this specific blog to you, I just admire your ability to put your mind into words...and you said you'd read this eventually so...congratulations.

In other news, wedding invitations are sent...there's no turning back now! :) Yessssssssssss!

Jesus is funny...

I personally think Jesus would get a kick out of this...

I know I'm in a trend of copy and pasting at the moment, but incase you don't read McSweeney's, you really need to. Here's the one that cracked me up the most today:

FIRST DRAFTS OF THE PARABLES OF JESUS.
BY A.J. PACKMAN
- - - -
Jesus said, "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

One of the disciples asked, "What of the man who builds his house inside the house built on the rock? Surely his house will be even less damaged by water and wind. Is this what we should do?"
And Jesus said, "No, don't do that."

- - - -

At that time a man said unto Jesus, "Jesus! I do not understand the nature of the kingdom of heaven."

Jesus said, "The Father's kingdom is like a shepherd who had a hundred sheep. One of them went astray. He left the 99 and looked for the one until he found it. When it was found, he said to the sheep, 'That you went astray is a clear sign that you misunderstand my instructions. You are nothing to me.' And then the shepherd turned the lost sheep into a pillar of salt, because the shepherd is God in this parable, and that's the sort of thing He does when people fail to understand His Word."

"Wait, what?" said the man,

And the man became a pillar of salt.

- - - -

Then Jesus said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, 'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him. Then the one inside answers, 'OK, just gimme a minute,' and he goes to one of his friends, and says, 'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, because a friend of a friend of mine on a journey has come to the friend who's my friend, and that friend has nothing to set before his friend.'"

One of the disciples said, "Wait, doesn't the original person's friend need three loaves of bread because a friend of his friend who's on a journey has come to the friend of the original person's friend, and that friend has nothing to set before his first friend? Or is that what you just said?"
"It doesn't matter," said Jesus. "The point is that God can get you free bread."

- - - -

"But what do you think about this?" asked Jesus. "A man with two sons told the older boy, 'Son, go out and work in the vineyard today.' The son answered, 'No, I won't go,' but later he changed his mind and went anyway. Then the father told the other son, 'You go,' and he said, 'Yes, sir, I will.' But he didn't go. Which of the two was obeying his father?"

"The first!" cried some of the disciples.

"The second!" cried the rest of the disciples.

And Jesus said, "Wait, I messed this one up. Did I mention that when the first son went to work in the vineyard he killed somebody? Because that's important. So, yeah, which of the two was obeying his father?"

"Uh ... the first?" said some of the disciples.

"The second! The second!" cried the rest of the disciples.

And Jesus said, "Oh, cripes, also the father only has one arm. And he is riding a horse the whole time. Was that clear?"

One of the disciples said, "Are you sure that's not 'The Parable of the One-Armed Father Who Rode on a Horse'?"

And Jesus said, "Maybe you're right. OK, let's change the question: Which of the two sons was the tallest?"

The disciples were silent.

Jesus shook his head in dismay. "Have I taught you nothing?"

- - - -

for your information...

This past weekend my fiancee and I went to Redlands to hang out with her Grandparents and her friend from College and his fiancee. Her grandparents live in a mobile home park for 55 or older. We had a delightful time being waited on hand and foot by her grandmother, sitting by the pool listening to dirty old people talk about tanning, current health problems, past wars and lack of sex life. A highlight was both evenings getting a chance to catch up with Nathan (Emily's friend from college) about his job and my job, the excitement of upcoming married life, and how merpeople reproduce. The latter being discussed past a point of exhaustion. We discussed it for nearly a half hour, including the concept that mermaids probably wear shell bras to keep the laser beams from killing other merpeople and sea life, kind of like Cyclops the X-Man. The conversation ended with Nathan stating, "I need to go to bed. This is all making way too much sense."+

Upon his return he found this tid bit of information I thought it necessary to blog:

'How mermaids reproduce' is reasonably accurate,insofar as live birth vs. hatching from eggs. However, the statement that '(the) clitoris (which is the same color as the tail) is slightly below the urogenital opening, is a falsehood, simply because mermaids do not have a clitoris.That function is provided by a different organ. Merpeople have, surrounding the pelvis area, a wrap of fin-like,translucent skin called the 'skirt'. In the female there is an area in the front of the body, just at the base of the skirt that is extremely sensitive, and reproduces the effect of a human clitoris. The statement is made that the Male's penis is 'almost as small as the human female clitoris and the same color as the tail, it is hardly visible. The author then goes on to say that 'this is the only plausible explanation as to why no one has ever seen a penis on any of the male mermaids.'Firstly, the term is 'merman or mermen' not 'male mermaids.' Secondly there is a very plausible reason as to why we haven't seen a penis on a merman... they have internal genitalia, only extending when used for sexual intercourse. Many mammals have internal genitalia, especially underwater dwelling mammals; i.e. whales and dolphins. During sexual excitement, the penis extends out from an opening in the skin. This opening, like the female's vagina, is well hidden, making it difficult to see. The merman penis varies in size, just like the human penis.

Huh, good to know.

$1 nerf-like guns from target war rules

I highly recommend this game to any office that:
A- Doesn't communicate and needs some bonding action
B- Doesn't get along and you want a fair and square opportunity to shoot someone, multiple times.
C- Needs to change things up a bit. Believe me, you'll go to printer or fax machine a lot less often and at a much quicker pace.

The war must start with every person in the office in position of one $1 Nerf-life gun from Target and three pieces of ammunition.

You cannot shoot someone while they are on the phone, in the "home base" position (at your desk and gun not in-hand), in a meeting, or while a student is in the office.

Other than that you can shoot some just about any time they are in the office.

If you shoot at the person and miss, the person being shot at gets to keep your single unit of ammunition.

If you shoot and hit the person anywhere on the body, you get to keep the unit of ammunition you shot them with and take one unit of the victim's ammunition.

The director of financial aid, or the "Big Boss at the end of the level", cannot be shot at until every other piece of ammunition has been collected.

First person to collect all units of ammunition, 24 in all, is taken out to lunch by the rest of the office.

Let the games begin.


I had many more inciteful things to say about this week but that will have to wait till Monday.

thou shall not covet thy friend's blog

There are a number of reasons for me starting this new blog:
1. Sense my freshman year in college I have used xanga for my ramblings, venting, reviewing and other forms of literary expression. But xanga was getting annoying with all of it's advertisements (a sure sign they're no longer popular) and feeble attempts to be facebook. It wasn't just about the writing and commenting any more, it was about something else. And personally, I was tired of striving for comments. Posts were not about thereputic release, or artistic expression simply for the joy of posting; they were about, what kind of reaction can I get from what I'm saying. As an actor, and because I'm just that kind of person, I strive for comments every day of my life. I'm deciding I need to find avenues that allow me to express but don't allow me to expect something in return.

2. I love to write. Not like my fiancee loves to write, as she would like to make a career out of it (because she's amazing!). But I do enjoy it. I love putting my thoughts into words in a post such as this, I love writing scenes for plays/movies that may or may not actually end up in one, I love ripping apart performances of people who are far more talented than I'll ever be, and so on. I love to write but I'm not doing as much as I need to. I need to write because I sit in an office fourty hours a week and I don't get much of a chance for artistic expression. If there's one thing I've learned since graduation last May, an entire YEAR of not being on stage will drive you crazy, especially when you were once non stop for four years. Until I start my MFA I simply need to express in whatever way possible to keep my sanity.

3. I'm very borred (easily destracted) at work right now.

4. Barny on "How I Met Your Mother" talks about his blog all the time and its funny. I want to be able to say, "I'm going to write about that in my blog!"

5. I was jealous of my friend Josh's blog (The Josh Ansley Chronicles). I've always enjoyed the fact that he can with confidence and good verbage reflect on the day, a movie, a moment and I long to do that.

6. There's a lot of stuff going on in my life and family that I would like to (nay, need to) process and it will help to write it here.

7. The blog is the new artform of the 21st century. It can be whatever the hell you want it to be. I want to be a part of that. (And I needed seven reasons because Emily likes odd numbers.) :)


Thanks for reading.